it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
