Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
