My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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