if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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