I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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