He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
