found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
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Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
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Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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