I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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