If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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