Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
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Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
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I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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