Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
