I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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