he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
