Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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