The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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