Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
