Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
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I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
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You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I can't put those talents on a resume
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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