She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
This baby is an asshole
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
