Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
