a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
