if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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