so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
