apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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