whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Tell her she can't have a vagina
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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