the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
