my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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