I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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