conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
