Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
