Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
