can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
