I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
