there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
