i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
