i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
