Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
