I'm laying in your front yard are you home
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
