Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
