The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
