Swine flu. Run for my life!
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
