Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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