i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just want to make out with him forever
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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