I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
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A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
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It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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