I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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