could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
