did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
