so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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