We named our party play list daddy issues
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
