I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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