I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
