sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
