if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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