My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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