Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My dick has a subreddit
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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