there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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