The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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