im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
We got so high we made milksteak
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?