I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.