Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
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CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
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She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.