theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.