YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
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sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
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DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.