Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
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how do flat chested girls get laid?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
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Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.