I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you