Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just want to make out with him forever
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
