What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Randomize
