I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
