I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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