So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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