This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
